lying for a living

With the publication of Kill Chain just over two weeks away, it’s time for another installment of Ask Evan. Let’s get straight to the questions:

Dear Evan,

I’ve read somewhere that you can tell by a person’s eyes whether or not they are telling the truth, whether they are recalling a fact or fabricating. Could you please elaborate, giving examples?

Dubious

Sure. Supposedly, if someone looks to the right while recalling an event, they’re fabricating, whereas if they look left, they’re remembering. Try this, Dubious. Stand in front of a mirror and describe your wedding night. Now describe your wedding night with George Clooney.

Well?

Note: if you’re worried that your parish priest will spot you gazing to the right, maybe you’re missing the whole point of going to confession.

Dear Evan,

I fibbed about something and need to come clean with my boyfriend. How can I do it without looking like an idiot or a big fat fake? I just can’t seem to get the words out.

Embarrassed

That’s tough. But no matter how painful it is (and I’ve been on both sides of this problem), you must tell the truth. However, if the words truly stick in your throat, act it out instead. Set your jeans ablaze and run screaming across the room. He’ll get the message without you saying a word. Liar liar pants on fire.

Just joking, hon’. I googled your name, and you should know that once a grand jury gets involved, these things become a matter of public record. Trust me, your boyfriend already knows.