It’s been a while since the last edition of Ask Evan, and the questions have piled up.
Dear Evan,
Do you recommend wearing makeup, or going natural?
Signed,
Anxious
It depends on the situation, Anxious. For prom night, yes. For scuba diving, no. For Kabuki theater, yes, but don’t wear more than the performers. For an overseas covert mission, determine the environment before choosing jungle or desert camouflage. For your wedding, it’s mandatory. But not if you’re the groom.
Dear Evan,
I did something stupid. I let this guy take revealing photos of me and now he’s threatening to publish them. How can I protect my reputation?
Embarrassed
Wow, these photos you’ve included with your letter are…revealing. What did I say above, about the rules for wearing makeup at your wedding? It’s too late to undo what’s done. All you can do is to behave with as much dignity as possible. (And - glitter eyeshadow? You should be embarrassed.)
Evan,
I’m a photographer who took some dynamite photos I think are newsworthy. But the “bride” is now threatening me. Yesterday my car was vandalized. Should I call the police? I think the vandal spraypainted their name on the car. It’s “Dignity.”
Snapper
I’m a hundred percent for freedom of the press, Snapper, but are these photos truly newsworthy? Search your conscience. On the other hand, it sounds as though a fashion crime has been committed. Call the cops.
Evan,
I’m the editor of a national news magazine. A photographer friend has just submitted photos of a front-running presidential candidate in flagrante delicto with the local police chief, wearing a veil, a garter and enough lip gloss to pave I-95. Should I publish the photos?
Only in the bridal section of your magazine.
8 responses so far ↓
thymebandit // July 9, 2007 at 12:14 am
Dear Evan,
I was shocked today when searching a famous national news magazine for ideas for Tamsyn’s forthcoming wedding. There were pictures of a look-alike of a front-running presidential candidate in a compromising position (I cannot believe it was actually said candidate as they would have us believe). I will not dwell on the make-up.
Do you think politics could become even more debased?
Yours,
Stunned.
Evan // July 9, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Dear Stunned,
Check the news archives - this presidential candidate was formerly a county champion gymnast. Thus while the position in the photo might be compromising, and would cause most of us irreparable damage, it’s not impossible for a person with the candidate’s history of flexibility. (Physical, political and otherwise.)
Never challenge a politician to become even more debased.
Best wishes to Tamsyn!
Kate // July 10, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Dear Evan,
I’m writing on behalf of cheerleaders everywhere. I am appalled at your response to glitter eyeshadow. It is an absolutely indispensible part of any cheerleader’s game kit, right along with hair ribbons, hair spray, and hair glitter. Now tell the truth — you’re just harboring a 20-year grudge that you didn’t make the cut, aren’t you?
Angry Cheerleader
Evan // July 10, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Angry,
Put down the pom-poms and step away from the glitter. You’ve screamed that “Be Aggressive! B-E aggressive!!” cheer for so long that you’ve become radicalized into the cheer cult. Get yourself some help.
nadirkhan11 // January 2, 2008 at 10:35 am
Dear Evan,
Do people ever confuse you with the crime writer Meg Gardiner
Evan // January 2, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Dear Nadir,
Is she claiming to be me? Has this writer stolen my identity? Oh, not again…
Kim // April 10, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Dear Evan,
I need your help and your wit to get me out of this one : my husband is threatening to put me in a lunatic asylium if I don’t quit reading Meg Gardiner’s books.
It’s been going on for the past three weeks. I’ve read the first three books and can’t stop. I even read while he talks to me on the phone and I thinks he noticed I give random answers. Did I say “yes” to having diner three times at his parents this WEEK ?!!!
Do you think I can keep my books in a lunatic asylium ?
Thank you for helping,
Love, K.
P.S : Excuse my bad english, I’m french and doing my best
Evan // April 12, 2008 at 8:52 am
Dear Kim,
Somebody has offered to cook dinner for you THREE TIMES this week, and you want to turn them down? You ARE going crazy.
Enjoy dinner with your husband’s parents by placing a book on your lap, covered by a napkin. Read between courses. Everybody wins!
(Et merci, ma amie!)
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