lying for a living

(To fully appreciate this post, hum the Soviet national anthem or at least “Back in the USSR.”)

On Sunday the Olympic torch will pass through London on its journey to Beijing. Pro-Tibet protests are expected, leading to doubts that the Chinese ambassador will carry the torch as scheduled.

The other night I saw a news report about demonstrations being planned along the route. Tibetans say they’ll protest peacefully. A Chinese student claims the Tibetan situation has been blown out of proportion, and is organizing a Pro-Olympics demo. A police commander warns protesters: don’t try to grab the torch. The reporter adds that the police will have Chinese translators in the crowd and will confiscate inciteful banners.

Confiscate inciteful banners?

That sounded all kinds of wrong, starting with: Which country is a police state, China or the UK? Second, and equally disturbing: is inciteful a word? Had I misheard? I found the BBC’s online version of the report. “The police will also have Chinese interpreters on hand and any insulting banners will be confiscated.”

Insulting banners. That’s worse. Preposterously worse. In London, the police now surveil and punish you for insulting the government of the People’s Republic of China. This is where I live?

But set aside Big Brother, and the darkness descending at noon. I was stuck on “inciteful.” I knew that’s what I’d heard. But it’s not a word, not in any dictionary I own, and I own plenty. Did the police mean insightful? Sure — after they grab “Beijing Sux,” they’ll chase down the guys hoisting “Life’s short: Love like there’s no tomorrow.”

No, that made no sense. Then, finally, I found corroboration. The Telegraph’s Blueplanet had also caught the TV report, and summarized: “the BBC’s security correspondent Frank Gardner warned any would-be protestors that the police were likely to ‘confiscate any inciteful banners’, and he managed to keep a straight face, in a piece that was mostly criticising human rights abuses in China.”

Yeah, well it’s amazing how a straight face lets the surrounding absurdity shine so brightly.

So is this post about writing, politics, or free speech? Sometimes they’re all one thing. Now excuse me, but the police van has pulled up outside to take me to my reeducation session. Time to get my Mao on. And look, Blueplanet’s coming too. Ooh, he looks good in red…