lying for a living

Police say man in wheelchair robbed bank.

Police said a man in his 60s with gray hair and a beard held up the Wachovia Bank branch at the Stanford Shopping Center late this afternoon with a black handgun.

After the stickup, he left in his wheelchair and was last seen motoring down a nearby street toward El Camino Real, a major thoroughfare.

Two thoughts.

One: An armed bank robbery at the Stanford mall? Oh, my God. When my daughter goes for coffee — and at some point every day, her IM away message reads “Starbucks run” — that’s where she goes. My baby. My baby!

Two: In this situation, “motoring” is a relative term. A friend of mine had a top of the line power wheelchair, and even at max power she was no Evel Knievel. The robber’s getaway doesn’t remind me of Gone in 60 Seconds, but of Speed 3 – the episode of Father Ted where Dougal becomes trapped driving a milk float that will explode if it drops below four mph.

So here’s the question: how come all those cops who patrol the mall ON SEGWAYS couldn’t catch up to this guy?