lying for a living

How to convince your teenager that you’ve finally lost your mind:

When he walks into the room, be kneeling next to the end table where you’ve set your laptop, frowning industriously at the screen.

Make sure that your search engine is displaying “Results 1-10 of about 3,350,000 for beavis and butt-head.”

Fail to notice your child approaching as you type variations in your search terms: Butthead. Butt-head. Butt-Head.

When he says, “Mom,” shriek, jump, and shout an epithet that sends the dog running from the room.

Explain that you’re fact-checking the correct spelling, capitalization, and hyphenation of a cartoon character’s name. Because you’re correcting the page proofs for the new edition of Crosscut. In which your own fictional characters debate the merits of an animated show. It all makes sense!

When the official MTV site brings up “Beavis and Butt-Head,” say, “Hyphen and capital H. See! See?”

Later, spend an hour with him watching Family Guy and South Park, laughing really hard.