The Magical Mystery Tour bus, Alice’s Restaurant, and a Led Zeppelin rollercoaster: it’s the Hard Rock theme park.
The Eagles’ “Life in the Fast Lane” roller coaster spins through what appears to be an abandoned saw mill as the hit song plays. “Nights in White Satin, The Trip” winds through the dark amid psychedelic lights and images set to the 1960s Moody Blue’s [sic] hit.
I’m sorry, but “Nights in White Satin” is not rock and roll. And yes, “Whole Lotta Love” has that swooping guitar glissando, guaranteed to make riders hork up their popcorn, but let’s face it — it’s not the Zep song that deserves its own ride. Didn’t Hard Rock realize that park visitors would buy, over and over, a stairway to heaven? Especially if they got to the top and had to pay to get back down. That’s the time to have Robert Plant screaming in their ears.
Park visitors can also “see swimmers and divers perform in a show called ‘Malibu Beach Party,’” or “play arcade games such as Whack-A-Boys-Band.”
They could do better. At the very least, they could have guests stay at the Hotel California. “Sorry, sir — the system’s slow. Just let me run your credit card again.” And if they’re going to have a magical mystery tour, they should put the “Rehab” ride next to it. Then there’s the “Thriller” playground. Okay, maybe not. But how about a “Jesus, Take the Wheel” go-kart track? And, of course, the “Janie’s Got a Gun” shooting gallery.
Your suggestions?
6 responses so far ↓
susan // May 7, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Maybe I’m missing something, but…HARD Rock? Alice’s Restaurant isn’t even Soft Rock. It’s Folk.
Rich // May 7, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I’ve never been there but I don’t think it’s a trip that will ever be necessary. A Theme Park? How anti-rock can you get? God, next it will be Rolling Stones in elevators.
Ken // May 8, 2008 at 2:20 pm
What scares me sh1tless is wondering what the guy who invented elevator music is thinking of next.
Meg // May 8, 2008 at 2:49 pm
That will be the scariest ride of all, Ken.
Stones, Rich? Aerosmith beat them to the elevator a long time ago.
Don // May 8, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Smoke on the Water log flume, with appropriately coloured water of course.
Highway to Hell dodgems.
Born to Run(s) fast food emporium.
Keep The Faith queue announcements on all rides.
The Husband // May 8, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Ok a few of my favorites that in a past life I listed to and drove way too fast and would love to experience as a roller coaster
Deep Purple - Highway Star (Drag racing G0-Karts)
Jimi Hendrix - Cross Town (Bumper Cars)
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