So, this is the view my great-grandfather saw as he left Ireland for America in the 1880s. It’s taken a long time for any Gardiners to get back to Cork.
And I came with a Shreve — my son Mark. I think my great-granddad would be pleased with how his great-great-grandson has turned out.
PS — Yes, he’s tall. I’m five nine.
Posted in Life
I’m headed to Cork in a minute. To keep you entertained until I return:
Posted in Life
Novice writers often think that when they finish the first draft of a novel, “revision” will mean spell-checking. Or, at a maximum, “cleaning up” a few odds and ends. They couldn’t be more wrong. Frequently, revision means a deep, thorough rewrite. This requires that the author step back and analyze the manuscript: give it an editorial MRI and psychoanalyze the thing.
To see what an experienced author does before rewriting, take a look at Jeff VanderMeer’s “High Level Notes After Completing First Draft.”
Posted in Writing
Pizzeria owner accused of beating customer over calzone.
PALM COAST, Fla.—Flagler County authorities said a restaurant owner pistol-whipped and beat a customer who complained that his takeout order was incorrect. The owner of Goomba’s Pizzeria was charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon and released on bail.
Buyer: Be hyper-aware when you visit Goomba’s. At that restaurant, the customer is apparently not right. And neither is the owner.
Posted in Weird Crime
In my novel Crosscut, Evan Delaney and Jesse Blackburn engage in a philosophical discussion about the uses of fantasy. They explore various tropes, talk about common themes in fantasy, and analyze its ubiquity across cultures, its roots in ancient myth, etcetera.
Fine, they reveal their kinky fantasies. Bikers, French maids, and so on. Jesse categorically declares that the Naughty Nurse scenario is not and can never be sexy.
Well, he’ll have no fun if he ever goes to Latvia.
Hospital Fetish Restaurant in Latvia.
Hospitalis in Riga, Latvia, [is] a hospital themed restaurant where, “the food is served in syringes, flasks and operating-room dishes, and customers can be tied up in straight jackets.” The waitresses all wear fetish-nurse outfits and Milla-Jovavich-in-Fifth-Element red wigs.
“The place is owned by local doctors, but unfortunately, the president of Latvia, who is also a doctor, declined his appearance at the opening once he realized how weird this place actually is.”
My books are soon to be published in Latvian translation. I can’t wait to see the covers.
It didn’t take long — after I wrote about The Onion’s story on Bratz dolls giving little girls an unrealistic expectation of head size, Rich sent this photo, with words of warning: “Sadly, it’s too late to save my niece Alayna.”
Rich, I think I’d like your family.
Coffee linked to lower dementia risk.
[T]he scientists found that the subjects who had reported drinking three to five cups of coffee daily were 65 percent less likely to have developed dementia, compared with those who drank two cups or less.
With such good news, who cares about the coffee hallucinations?
I round up news of the ways the planet is going nuts, so you don’t have to. Instead, you can focus on panicking.
“Car thief transformed into a goat.“
The Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.
The paper quoted police spokesman Tunde Mohammed as saying that while one suspect escaped, the other transformed into a goat as he was about to be apprehended.
The newspaper reported that police paraded the goat before journalists, and published a picture of the animal.
A goat? Dumb car thief. Once he lost the Mazda, to have any chance of a getaway he should have transformed into a cheetah.
Squirrels go nuts: “Rampaging squirrels are attacking nurses on their way to work” in Northern England.
Staff in Langley Park, County Durham, have been told to wear protective headgear, walk in pairs and carry umbrellas after a nurse was singled out by the furry fiends…
A Department of Health spokesman said: “The hospital involved sent out guidance that nurses should be careful and wear protective headgear or carry an umbrella.
“The guidance says that they should walk in pairs. It is in case someone is injured and falls unconscious, so the other one can get help.”
The squirrels’ victim was left with “reddening of the scalp.”
I think the squirrels have mobilized, and are rebelling against the plan for Britain’s chefs to eradicate them. Be afraid.
(Thanks to Dave for the link.)
Posted in Weird Crime
Another reason for Jo Beckett and Gabe Quintana to hate Bratz.
Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectation of Head Size.
(From The Onion.)
I don’t even know what to say.
Smoking toddler’s mother guilty of child cruelty.
“The video demonstrates the boy placing a cigarette into his mouth, lighting it with a lighter and sucking, drawing smoke clearly into the lungs and he seems to do it with some accomplishment,” said Mr Rees.
“It doesn’t cause him any discomfort. He is sat on a chair close to the mother, who is talking on the phone.
“It is clear that the boy, at the age of three, knows what to do with a lighter and cigarette.”
The mother has now taken parenting classes and, officials say, has changed and is “putting her children before herself.”
What, does that mean she no longer expects them to scrounge her butts from the ashtray, and buys her three-year-old his own pack of Marlboros?
Posted in Life, Weird Crime
A few links, for those who need to know what the world’s weird criminals are up to.
South Carolina considers a law that would make it a felony to use profanity in public forums. What the f—? Under this law, Jesse Blackburn would be so, so screwed.
Google search results help land investment banker in jail. A California appeals court has ruled that Google search results can be entered as evidence at trial. The banker claimed he thought he’d run into a deer, not a woman. All his searches for “hit and run” suggested otherwise.
Dad busted after baby son calls 911. “METRO VANCOUVER — A baby boy playing with his dad’s telephone accidentally called 911, which led police to their house — and a 500-plant marijuana-growing operation.” Weirdest part? The RCMP made a point of emphasizing that the child was removed from the pot hothouse for his own safety, because:
Condensation, which encourages mould growth and the presence of spores in the air, is a health concern.
Dastardly mold.
(Thanks to Jeff, Dan, and Patti for the links.)
UPDATE: Headline of the day. “Former French President Chirac hospitalized after mauling by his clinically depressed poodle.”
Posted in Weird Crime
Y’all may recall how much I’ve always loved 24 and, especially, Kiefer Sutherland. And how bad I think it is that Jack Bauer has increasingly resorted to torture* while shouting, “I have no choice!”
Day 7 has now begun. I just saw episode four, in which spunky FBI agent Walker spends an hour with Jack and decides that brutalizing prisoners is cool and righteous and gets her really, really hot. Questioning a suspect who’s in critical condition and hooked to a ventilator in ICU, she asks him to confess. He declines, saying two bad, bad words: “lawyer” and “rights.” So she grabs the ventilator hose, says, “I suggest you use your last breath wisely,” and — when he still doesn’t confess — kinks the hose. He starts suffocating.
A minute later, as hospital staff rush to the room with a crash cart, Walker calmly walks out and phones her boss at the FBI. Cue the recap from Television Without Pity:
As Walker hits the parking lot, she calls Moss to let him know she got the goods. Well, of course she did, otherwise there wouldn’t be any point in doing it, would there? She’ll go far in the Justice Department, although I’m hoping that the days when a person could make Attorney General by attacking a helpless man in his hospital bed are pretty much over.
And if you don’t know why that made me hiss through my teeth, eyes wide, here’s why. Talk about hitting the mark. With a bullet.
*I’m not the only one. And to understand why the (preening, sanctimonious) senator who hauls Jack in front of his committee in the opening scene of Day 7 is named Blaine Mayer, read this article. (Hint: It’s because the producers of 24 didn’t like the conclusions drawn by the article’s author — check her byline.)
(And to the Husband, who patiently sits through my many rants about the way TV shows mangle law/policing/the Constitution: thanks for enduring my spluttering yet again.)
