Life calls

Got stuff to do. Talk to you next week.

Couldn’t he have honked an S-O-S?

Car thief trapped in target vehicle.

CANBERRA (Reuters) – A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal, police said Wednesday.

“‘The man, while breaking into the car, had locked himself in the car and couldn’t get out,’ South Australian police said, adding a second thief was found hiding in nearby bushes.”

What was the second thief’s excuse? That he couldn’t escape because his partner never came to get him in the stolen getaway vehicle?

Events in 2009

Here are two dates for my calendar so far this year:

CRIMEFEST, Bristol, England. May 14-17.

THRILLERFEST, New York City, July 8-11.

Both these events will be packed full with panels, books, and (for me) the chance to spend the weekend in the company of readers who are not only fun, intelligent, and generally far more accomplished than I, but who love crime fiction to boot.

Revealed: the “most unfortunate” names

What do you call some of the most unlucky people in Britain?

Justin Case, Barb Dwyer and Stan Still.

It sounds like a bad joke, but a study has revealed that there really are unfortunate people with those names in the UK.

Joining them on the list are Terry Bull, Paige Turner, Mary Christmas and Anna Sasin.

Personally, I think Anna Sasin would make an awesome pen name for a thriller writer.

Book club questions: China Lake

Here are some more questions I’ve received from book clubs.

How did you get the idea for the China Lake story?  Do you have the story line all mapped out when you start or does it develop as you write?  What’s your secret?

I got the idea for the story from a couple of places. I had the character of Evan in my head — I wanted to write about a spunky kind of gal from Santa Barbara. And around the time I was starting to think about the plot, some friends who sing in the choir at a Catholic church in LA had a nasty run-in (literally — in the church parking lot!) with some radical fundamentalists. That sorely angered me. But above everything, I had long hated these survivalist-apocalyptic-militia types because of the Oklahoma City bombing. My family’s from Oklahoma City. My aunt was injured and my grandmother worked that day at the main hospital that took in casualties. I think I was getting some virtual revenge for that.

When I write, I do map out the general contours of the story. I know that some writers don’t, but I find that unless I know where the novel’s going and what’s at stake, I tend to wander into the weeds and get lost. Writing a loose outline still leaves lots of room for improvisation and development as I write. (And rewrite, and rewrite.)

Did you have to research anything to write China Lake… the secret lives of test pilots or fundamental extremists?

My uncle is a former navy fighter pilot, and agreed to tell me anything I wanted to know about flying and Navy life — as long as the pilot wasn’t the killer. I researched cults online, which was creepy enough. I didn’t want to talk to any of them up close and personal. Besides, cultists don’t want to talk. They want to screech and preach and suck you into buying their brand of glory. The other research I did was into emerging diseases and biological warfare agents. Fun!

Where did the evil idea about the rabid dogs come from?

That idea grew out of my research into horrible deadly diseases. Combine a freakish, painful death with household pets and spooky, silent little critters like bats, and I figured: It scares me. I bet it’ll scare readers.

Next time: Where did Jesse Blackburn come from?

Blame Ringo

Some of my son’s college friends will be visiting this weekend. Naturally they have plans to see the famous sites in London — and they’ve excitedly asked how to find Abbey Road. They’d love to stride across that crosswalk and recreate the Beatles album cover.

Here it is, guys. As a mom, all I can say is: Watch out for the buses.

(Via Boing Boing.)

Today’s rockin’ slice of irony

Iggy insurer says “No musicians”.

A car insurer admitted today it refuses to cover musicians despite featuring Iggy Pop in its adverts.

The veteran rocker is the star of swiftcover’s “Get a life. Get swiftcovered” campaign. But although the 61-year-old American is best known for singing hits such as Lust for Life, it has emerged that the online insurance firm has been turning down people who work in the music and entertainment industry for car insurance.

“We do not provide cover to some professions that, according to that data, have a higher level of claims costs. The reason swiftcover.com doesn’t cover people in the ‘entertainment business’ is due to the risk of personal injury.”

Swiftcover’s list of uninsurable occupations also includes gambling, modelling, professional sport, bailiffs and bodyguards.

What about those of us who see the grinning elastic face, stringy hair, and sinewy bare chest of Mr. Pop on a highway billboard, and instinctively swerve, screaming, into the nearest ditch in an attempt to flee from the sight? Can we still get Swiftcover?

IN THE COMMENTS: Dana Jean speculates about models’ brains, and Monita takes a ride toward Dead Man’s Curve.

Book club questions: Evan Delaney

Recently I’ve been receiving questions from readers who are discussing my novels in their book clubs. This is great, and I’m happy to answer as many questions as I can. And I’ve decided to post some of those questions and answers here. I’ll start with this one:

China Lake is our book discussion this month. The name Evan has created much interest, as it is a male name as opposed to female. Yes, I know so are Hilary and Evelyn, but it appears none of our readers have come across a female Evan, and I have been charged to find out, why Evan?

Why Evan? To begin with, I wanted a memorable name, one that was less than common and a bit unconventional. Still, I knew my character was going to be something of “the girl next door,” so I didn’t want her name to be terrifically exotic. She also thinks of herself as a tomboy, but I didn’t want a standard woman’s name that gets shortened to a man’s nickname — Sam, Charlie, and so on. I thought: how about a traditionally male name that can have a female nickname? Evan gets called Ev and Evvie by her friends and family.

And Evan is her middle name. Her first name is Kathleen. In my mind (it’s never been explicitly spelled out in the novels) Evan was the name of a beloved family member, which the Delaneys gave their little girl as a second name with the idea that she’d go by Kathleen or Kathy. But she appropriated Evan for herself.

And after all that, I actually met a girl named Evan. So I decided that if it can be done in the real world, it can work in a novel.

There’s a storm coming

“Experts Warn of ‘Terminator’-Style Robot Rebellion.”

Autonomous military robots that will fight future wars must be programmed to live by a strict warrior code, or the world risks untold atrocities at their steely hands.

The stark warning — which includes discussion of a “Terminator”-style scenario in which robots turn on their human masters — is part of a hefty report funded by and prepared for the U.S. Navy’s high-tech and secretive Office of Naval Research.

I have a problem with this story. And it has nothing to do with the superheated Fox News prose in the article.  My problem: the reporter presupposes that killer robots will look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Robert Patrick or — terrifyingly — Robin Williams. This shows a shocking lack of imagination.

I think killer robots will be developed from semi-intuitive devices we currently use, and are more likely to look like your iPod Nano, or your DVD player — which is even more terrifying. Because you’d expect Arnie to whip out a sawed-off shotgun and chase you across Los Angeles, but you’ll be unprepared when your Nano yanks the earbuds from your ears and strangles you while you listen to Celine Dion. So what kind of “warrior code” would these devices need to abide by? The Apple Terms of Service agreement?

“There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do,” Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. “Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when … programs could be written and understood by a single person.”

I’m sorry, but did it really take a hefty government report to tell us that machines can misbehave? Maybe the folks at the Office of Naval Research have never had the lid blow off the blender while they’re making tomato soup, or been driven mad trying to unlock their cell phone. But the rest of us have stared into the dead, flashing eyes of the DVD player as it blinks 12:00. And we’ve been afraid.

Now we know what we should truly fear.

Viene la tormenta.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Today’s cool commercial

It’s Friday. Enjoy a bit of music and techonology.

(Via Andrew Sullivan.)

Jetlag Theatre

The seven-hour time change between Colorado and London means that the Husband and I have severe jetlag. We’re dragging around during the morning, befuddled and sleepy. But at midnight we’re wide awake, and watching what may be the most fabulous movie of all time, Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.

I don’t know what’s more wonderful about this little flick — the 80s clothes and hair; the idea that California contains an impenetrable avocado jungle where women eat men; or the fact that the adventurers’ jeep bears the logo, “Spritzer College Feminist Studies Department.” No — omigod — it’s Adrienne Barbeau! The glorious Adrienne, of Escape From New York! She plays Dr. Kurtz, Empress of the Piranha women, and utters what may be the greatest line of all time: “Anything short of cannibalism is just beating around the bush.”

Man, I need some sleep.

Dictionary 1, Garda 0

Daveg sends this story from Dublin, and remarks: “It’s stories like these that make some Irish people think that Father Ted was less a sitcom, more of a hard-hitting documentary.”

“Dictionary helps crack case of notorious Polish serial offender.”

HE WAS one of Ireland’s most reckless drivers, a serial offender who crossed the country wantonly piling up dozens of speeding fines and parking tickets while somehow managing to elude the law.

So effective was his modus operandi of giving a different address each time he was caught that by June 2007 there were more than 50 separate entries under his name, Prawo Jazdy, in the Garda Pulse system. And still not a single conviction.

In the end, the vital clue to his identity lay not with Interpol or the fingerprint database but in the pages of a Polish-English dictionary.

Prawo jazdy means driving licence.

The Garda — Irish police — officer who broke the case wrote to colleagues that “it had come to his attention that members inspecting Polish driving licences were noting Prawo Jazdy as the licence holder’s name. ‘Prawo Jazdy is actually the Polish for driving licence and not the first and surname on the licence.’”

To daveg and other Father Ted fans: Wasn’t Prawo Jazdy the criminal mastermind who rigged Dougal’s milk float to explode, Speed-style, if it dropped below 5 mph?

(Cross-filed under “Books: Is there anything they can’t do?”)

Interview at 4N6

4N6, the blog about forensics in fiction, interviews me about Jo Beckett, music, and writing.

Q: What makes Jo Beckett different from other fictional forensic detectives?

Jo is a forensic psychiatrist. She performs psychological autopsies in cases of equivocal death. When the authorities can’t determine why somebody has died, Jo investigates to determine whether the death was natural, accidental, suicide, or homicide. Her work begins when the work of police, criminalists, and medical examiners ends.

And as far as I know, she’s the only fictional forensic detective who’s a rock climber. And the only one who has chased a monkey around her house with a samurai sword.

More at the link.

Road to ruin

Chinese mistress contest takes tragic turn.

BEIJING, China (CNN) — A married Chinese businessman who could no longer afford five mistresses held a competition to decide which one to keep.

But the contest took a fatal turn when one of the women, eliminated for her looks, drove the man and the four other competitors off a cliff.

(Via Jeff, who writes: “Mix a tanking world economy and too many episodes of Beijing Idol and this is what you get. I would have implicated The Bachelor TV show as well, but this guy was married.”)