Censored in Tennessee

Somebody in Columbia, Tennessee, is checking out books from the public library and blacking out words they don’t like:

Censorship mystery brewing inside public library.

Staffers at the Maury County public library have counted 50 to 100 books copy edited, illegally.

“I mean, it’s not every single book by this lady, or every single book by this man. It’s just, randomly,” said Potts.

The edited books are always fiction, and more often it is mystery novels being targeted.

“It’s one word, in particular. It’s the ‘f’ word,” said Potts.

And among the novels being vandalized is Fear, by my homeboy Jeff Abbott. Jeff says the vandalism strikes him “as both sad and funny.” He notes: “If you don’t like the language in a book — then don’t read it. No one is forcing you to read it. Return the book and check out another.”

Jeff, dude — you’re so rational and civil. But you’re dealing with a fanatic, convinced of their own righteousness. Don’t count on rationality and civility being part of their skill set.

What’s your Halloween costume?

Who’s dressing up for Halloween? In past years I’ve been a dead stewardess, handed out candy dressed as the Ghost of Donna Reed (white makeup, early sixties flip hairdo, Salvation Army polyester dress, and an empty casserole dish) and joined the Husband as a member of the Dead Altar Boys (the world’s only All Ghoul Heavy Metal Gospel band — I played bass). This year, I don’t know if I should shed my normal daywear — leopard skin leggings, chinchilla coat, tiara, pink mules — for something crazy.

In the meantime, here are a few items for the haunted house:

The Dead Tauntaun Wedding Cake — comes with Luke Skywalker stuffed inside the beast’s exploding intestines.

The Walmart Coffin. (“Prices range from a ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad Remembered’ steel coffin for $895 (£540), to a bronze model at $2,899.”)

(Thanks to Dan for the “Empire Strikes Cake” link.)

Is that a ferret tail sticking out of your boxers?

Cops: Florida man stole ferret by shoving it in his pants.

Rodney Bolton, 38, was charged with theft over the $129 animal that police say he took from a pet store in Jacksonville Beach.

A 17-year-old witness confronted Bolton in the parking lot and was bitten by the animal after the man allegedly shoved it in the teen’s face.

“That confrontation makes the ferret a ‘special weapon’ under Florida law. So Bolton also faces battery charges for dangerously wielding the animal.”

See, I knew that the ferret-attack trial in China Lake was not farfetched.

However, “special weapon” and “dangerously wielding the animal” sound like filthy euphemisms to me.

Stupid law of the week: the playground ban

Row over parents playground ban.

A council in Hertfordshire has banned parents from two council-run adventure playgrounds because they have not been Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) checked.

Watford Borough Council wrote to parents and carers saying adults without a CRB check would have to be supervised by vetted playworkers.

The letter said it had no option but to ban all adults including parents and carers from the two sites.

Unsurprisingly, folks are complaining.

The Conservative prospective parliamentary candidate for Watford said the decision was “ludicrous”.

Richard Harrington said: “The council has made the decision that parents are no longer allowed to play with their children in the play areas and that children will be cared for by ‘qualified and police vetted play rangers’.

“It’s a sick joke. This is a case of creating problems where there are none.”

What he said.

Speaking of translations: Gefürchtet

Gefürchtet, the German edition of Jericho Point, has just been published. The title translates as Dreaded.

The tagline reads: “Machen sie sich bereit für eine atemlose jagd,” which translates loosely as “Get ready for a breathless hunt.” And — aside from my ability to read signs in train stations and bakeries — that about does it for my German-translation skills.

Coming up: editions in more languages

For those who have asked about translations of my novels, editions will soon be published in:

• Japanese
• Complex Chinese (Traditional characters)
• Polish
• Romanian
• Latvian

I’ll let you know when they’re available.

I think I’ve seen this movie

Protagonist Scrolls Intensely Through Microfilm.

NEW HAVEN, CT—A headstrong young protagonist in way over her head visited the microfilm room of the New Haven Public Library Tuesday night in order to delve deeper into a riveting plotline that could put her career—and maybe even her life—on the line.

According to sources, the plucky and determined woman worked late into the evening, whirring methodically through a reel of archived newspapers in search of information that could unlock a secret better left untouched.

No — I’m thinking of that movie where the hero stares hard at the computer screen while typing fast.

Sources said that as the fictional reporter realized she was likely embroiled in a dangerous game of greed and corruption with public figures capable of anything, she was interrupted by a sudden, startling tap on her shoulder, which ended up being nothing more than the night librarian.

“We’re closing in five minutes, miss,” the peripheral character said.

Yes, I’m definitely thinking of another movie, the one where the startling tap on the shoulder comes from the protagonist’s lab research partner, who soon afterward is watched from behind a pillar by a shadowy, heavy-breathing character.

The journalist was later seen walking through the library’s parking lot frantically talking on her cell phone to her editor, a gruff but ultimately adoring mentor who had agreed to let her continue her investigation only upon realizing she was too stubborn to take no for an answer anyway.

At press time, a blinding set of headlights from across the lot had suddenly burst into view.

When I first tried to write a thriller — many, many, many years ago, back in the era of grunge — I spiced up a long, quiet, melancholy scene by having the main characters’ conversation interrupted by a blinding set of headlights. The characters dashed across the road to safety, and then the would-be thriller screeched to a halt, because I had no idea who was behind the headlights or why they were after anybody. The headlights were the blinding sign that I had no plot.

That’s when I taught myself to plan novels so they have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And as few blinding headlights — and other cliches — as possible.

One for the road?

Drink relaxes jumpy Irish drivers, MP says.

DUBLIN (Reuters) – A politician from Ireland’s governing party has said “jumpy” drivers might benefit from having a relaxing alcoholic drink to steady their nerves.

Please, yes. Relax yourself right into a ditch.

“If drink is such a sedative, it can make people who are jumpy on the road, or nervous, be more relaxed,” said Mattie McGrath, Fianna Fail’s Tipperary South representative, speaking out in favour of a modest tipple.

“There was no evidence to back up McGrath’s claim which made the front page of most Irish papers, said the AA motoring group.”

Some more San Francisco Bay Area photos

Some of the locations where The Memory Collector takes place — on the Stanford campus.

Near the Oval, where Gabe Quintana waits on a dark night to perform a rescue.

The Quad.

The Oval.

With my daughter, Kate, with the Quad and Hoover Tower in the background.

More San Francisco Bay Area photos

Some more of the settings for The Dirty Secrets Club and The Memory Collector.

University Avenue, the main drag in Palo Alto.

The arcade on University Avenue in Palo Alto where Jo Beckett meets Gregory Harding.

Pop quiz: This photo includes vehicles that feature in both the Evan Delaney and Jo Beckett series. Name them.

San Francisco — Jo Beckett’s neighborhood

And now, because I’m in the Bay Area, here are some photos of the neighborhood where Jo Beckett lives, just to give you a full-color flavor of her corner of San Francisco.

The Powell-Market cable car, on its way down the hill to Fisherman’s Wharf.

Lombard Street, looking east toward the bay.

A view across the city to Telegraph Hill, with Coit Tower on its peak and the Bay Bridge beyond.

One of the Victorian homes that exemplify the city.

(Thanks to Snart for the photos.)

Coming up Sunday: Authors Meet and Greet at the Stanford Bookstore

If you’re in the Palo Alto area, stop by the Stanford campus Sunday afternoon to say hello to me and a bunch of other authors.

Authors Meet and Greet
Sunday, October 25
2:30-4 p.m.
Stanford Bookstore
Stanford University
Palo Alto, California

(Updated to correct the starting time. I’ll be at the bookstore from 2 p.m.)

Calling the Remnant: This church is for you

Halloween Book Burning at Baptist Church to Include Copies of the Bible.

No, this is not from The Onion. Apparently, for the Amazing Grace Baptist Church, it’s the King James Version or heresy.

Road trip: San Francisco

I’m heading to the Bay Area this morning. And yes, I’ll be keeping an eye on our flight path in case the pilots get “distracted,” like the flight from San Diego to Minneapolis, and don’t spot San Francisco.