Monthly Archives: January 2010

The inevitable reality TV crime headline

“Housewives’ Daughter Found Guilty Of Pulling Out Another Housewife’s Hair Extensions.”

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The truth behind Apple’s iPad

Frantic Steve Jobs Stays Up All Night Designing Apple Tablet.

CUPERTINO, CA—Claiming that he completely forgot about the much-hyped electronic device until the last minute, a frantic Steve Jobs reportedly stayed up all night Tuesday in a desperate effort to design Apple’s new tablet computer. “Come on, Steve, just think—think, dammit—you’re running out of time,” the exhausted CEO said as he glued nine separate iPhones to the back of a plastic cafeteria tray.

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A tradgey, and comdey, in the mistaking

Misspelled tattoos.

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You need a lawyer… because cars ALWAYS explode

Ah, yes. The majesty of the Law.

(Thanks to Boing Boing for reminding me I wanted to post this ad.)

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Three things that make you glad to be alive

And now for some random life affirmation.

Let’s all take a break, take stock, and look on the bright side. What are three things that have made you happy you’re alive? Anything at all that made you stop and say: Wow, I’m glad I got the chance to experience that.

1. Hearing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony performed live.

2. Standing at the base of the Eiger and looking up, and up, at its beautiful and terrifying North Face.

3. Watching my babies smile for the first time.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled snarking.

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My books hit the road: Illinois

“Lori and her pup, Rocky. It was taken on Sunday, 1/17/10 in Plainfield, Illinois (suburban Chicago).”

Note to Rocky: I know that in The Memory Collector, a dog is in jeopardy. But please stop fretting. The look on your face is killing me.

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Library memories… sexy, scary?

GalleyCat writes:

At one point in their lives, everybody in the GalleyCat audience had a crush on a librarian. To help literary types cope with these feelings, Flavorwire compiled a list of “10 Best Songs About Libraries and Librarians” The list contains some great tunes, from “There She Goes, My Beautiful World” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds to “Fun Fun Fun” by The Beach Boys to “Swinging London” by The Magnetic Fields (quoted in our headline). What are your favorites?

“Fun Fun Fun” is my favorite from the list, and I’d add “Marion” From The Music Man. But I’ve never had a crush on a librarian. My most vivid library experiences have been more dramatic and confrontational. I’m thinking of the time in college when I looked up from a book in the underground stacks in Green Library, and saw a bat fly past. Chased, a second later, by a librarian with a crazed glare and a broom in her hands.

But mostly I’m thinking of the time in high school when a certain table of kids wouldn’t quiet down. The librarian stalked over to scold us them. Standing directly behind a friend of mine, she began berating the miscreants — pointing and growling and leaning so far over to drive home her point that my friend ended up with her face nearly pressed to the table. Everybody else at the table was either shamefaced or trying not to laugh out loud. And then a bold and lunatic classmate stood, hooked his thumbs under his armpits, flapped his arms, and shouted at the librarian, “Caw! Caw! Caw!”

It felt like we were watching Braveheart challenge the English on the battlefield: five seconds of dumbfounded exhilaration. Then we all got kicked out.

Yes, my teens really were as wild as I’ve just portrayed.

Fun fun fun.

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Latest box o’ books: The Liar’s Lullaby

Meg O’Death jumps up and down and claps her little hands together, shouting, “Yay!” Dutton has just shipped me the galleys for The Liar’s Lullaby. These are advance reading copies, uncorrected, full of my very own typos, and they get me all riled up. The novel no longer exists only in my febrile imagination, or as scribbles on the back of used napkins, but in book form.

It will hit the shelves in June.

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“The ferrets were unharmed.”

Mexico City police rescue 150 stolen ferrets.

MEXICO CITY – Police in Mexico City have rescued 150 ferrets from armed robbers after a high speed chase.

Police say they found the furry contraband after the suspects crashed their car into a tree and then fled on foot.

Fourteen boxes of ferrets imported from the U.S. were taken by force by three robbers from a truck after it left the Mexico City airport. Two suspects are under arrest and another escaped.

“Police said Friday that a veterinarian who purchased the ferrets reclaimed them.”

150 ferrets in a single car? No wonder the driver crashed into a tree.

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I fought the law… and the movies won

7 police myths everybody believes thanks to TV and the movies.

#7 Forensic science is magic… #5 Not talking to the cops equals obstruction of justice… #2 Criminals must be read their Miranda rights or they’ll go free…

Not quite safe for work, but a pretty good takedown.

(Via Huffington Post.)

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Where I get my ideas, part 268: techno panic

Experienced thriller writers (or canny, or crass, or cruel — take your pick) don’t simply pull story ideas from thin air. We look around and try to get a handle on what’s bugging people, or worrying them, or — best of all — scaring them. Then we ruthlessly exploit those worries and fears by incorporating them into the plots of our novels. Such fun.

Some of my novels include plotlines where technology goes wrong or is used for twisted purposes. No spoilers here, but when you read Crosscut and The Memory Collector, terms such as military testing, nanotechnology, explosion, and horribly awry might come to mind.

When I’m researching a book, I always keep my eyes open for news about spooky tech developments. And one of my favorite sources for stories about the Looming Technological Apocalypse is the Times of London. For a while, the Times regularly ran stories about humanity’s imminent enslavement by self-aware robots. (AI! AI! Run in circles, waving and screaming!) Then there was the “head transplant” article, complete with cartoon drawings, which suggested that aged and dying people would soon solve their health problems by having their heads sewn onto healthy donor bodies. (Subtext: rich Americans are going to scoop up all Britain’s young, athletic donors to restore their health and physical perfection!) Only after about twenty column inches did the article mention that, oh yeah, by the way, transplanted heads would not be connected to the donor’s spinal cord, so the greedy recipients would not experience a second youth but would be quadriplegic. (And personally, I expect Futurama’s Head in a Jar Museum to become reality before body transplants.)

But none of those articles come close to this week’s Techno! Panic! — in which the Times basically says 3-D movies will make you kill yourself.

“Some fans of the 3-D movie Avatar have suffered depression and even contemplated suicide after rejoining the real world.”

[T]hanks to a 3-D film-making process that was 14 years in development, the experience of watching the film is so absorbing, and the subsequent fantasy world so hyper-real, that nothing in life outside of the local multiplex can possibly compare.

“With Avatar, the technology has become so highly sophisticated that it makes the screen world seem more vivid than reality can ever be,” says the author Michael Foley.

And, “according to Dr Gordon Claridge, a professor of abnormal psychology in the Department of Experimental Psychology at the University of Oxford,” Avatar’s “use of 3-D, and its approximation of reality, is the key. ‘The closer a movie gets to reality, the more it has the ability to move you,’ he says. ‘If something is written fiction you need to use your imagination to visualise it. But if it’s 3-D, and very realistic, it can become difficult to distinguish from reality in that moment.’”

But now that the transformation is almost complete (Avatar opened on 3,671 3-D screens worldwide), is the dark reality of the 3-D dream to be found in a bunch of film fans teetering on the brink of suicide? Or further still, is the real Pandora in the 3-D story not Cameron’s blissed-out planet but a Pandora’s Box of disaffection opened to impressionable audiences by this fully immersive experience?

“Claridge, for one, thinks that we underestimate the effects of 3-D at our peril. He explains that, in psychiatry, virtual reality is commonly used to treat paranoid disorders.”

“A screen is used, and we look at how people who are paranoid respond to virtual reality scenes that play out,” he says. If the presentation of a virtual reality under laboratory conditions can affect behaviour, it is not hard to believe that it also has power to do so in the cinema. Claridge hopes to instigate a study to compare the mood reactions of audiences watching 2-D and 3-D movies.

That’s a research grant that’ll keep him in movie popcorn for decades.

My sister is a psychiatrist. Now I know why she runs around her office all day wearing that VR helmet.

And if 3-D is so terrifying, there’s only one solution: eye-patches for all.

Hey, I think I’ve just talked myself out of the idea that 3-D is a scaaaary idea for a thriller plot. And now I’m in the mood for a movie.

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Yet more proof that punctuation matters

A comma is not the same as an apostrophe. At least not if you’re a Girl Scout.

(From Fail Blog.)

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Happy birthday, Mr. Poe

It’s Edgar Allan Poe’s 201st birthday today. And the Mystery Writers of America have announced the nominees for the 2010 Edgars.

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Where I get my ideas, Part 879: Jet blast

One of my novels features an action scene at a major airport, and I want to explain the genesis of the idea. I’m not going to give away any spoilers here, but just want to let you in on my thinking process.

I grew up in Santa Barbara, where the airport is quaint. It looks like a set from Man of La Mancha. When I was little, back when the words “airport security” meant nothing, people waved good-bye to departing passengers from behind a waist-high stucco wall adjacent to the tarmac. There was even a little raised viewing platform for kids otherwise too short to see over the wall. Passengers would cross through a gate, walk twenty feet, and climb the stairs to their waiting aircraft. The pilots would then fire up the engines on the 727 and spin the jet around so they could taxi to the runway.

At which point anybody who’d been to the airport before would turn their backs, put their hands over their ears, and crouch down below the wall. That’s when newbies might catch sight of the words stenciled on the stucco. CAUTION: JET BLAST. And a moment later the 727′s Pratt & Whitney engines would blow them back a few feet and leave them looking like they’d just survived a bomb blast.

And that was with engines idling. More recently, I wondered what might happen to, say, a vehicle exposed to modern jet engines at takeoff thrust?

So I must thank my kids, for convincing me to join them while they watched Top Gear.

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