The latest danger sweeping the world: novels

Romance novels, specifically.

According to this article — this half-assed, non-researched, badly argued piece of self-promotion — women are “more stimulated by romance than sex, so when they read romantic stories… they can experience the same addicting chemical release as men do” when watching pornography.

Huh?

“Romance novels can be as addictive as pornography.”

Romance novels revenue topped $1.36 billion last year, while religious, self-help and inspirational books combined sold only $770 million… This seemingly harmless pastime, however, is not as harmless as it may seem.

“In fact, some marriage therapists caution that women can become as dangerously unbalanced by these books’ entrancing but distorted messages as men can be by the distorted messages of pornography,” said best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn, who studies the differences between men and women.

I’d deconstruct the whole lame article point by unsupported, illogical point, but I’m tired, and reading it only makes me more exhausted. One “expert” cited in the piece is associated with a super-conservative Christian fundamentalist organization. A “pornography addiction counselor” says that “reading romance novels or viewing pornography may eventually lead to an affair for some women,” and, ominously, “Women involved in pornography have a hard time keeping their family together.” Got that? Reading romance = “involvement in porn” = broken families.

And then the author warns that to save themselves from slutitude and insanity (I paraphrase), women should basically stop reading.

But she gives the game away at the end. She suggests that if some gals truly can’t rid themselves of the urge to read, “Try some books on creating healthy relationships or self-improvement.”

Yup. Put down those novels and start reading self-help books instead. And oh, what a surprise: the article’s author is a “life coach.”

Before writing this post I asked a romantic novelist her opinion. She said: “Tut, tut — plus ca change and all that — and what a load of rubbish!”

What she said.

IN THE COMMENTS: Patti, for the win.

How books work

And this is only the beginning. At their best, books don’t just transport us. They enlighten and inspire and show us how to live.

(Via Janet Reid.)

Lost in translation Part oh-so-many: Britain v. the continent

“Negotiating with the British: What we say versus what they understand.”

So true, in my experience. This is a case where culture trumps the literal words being said.

Today’s criminal mastermind: fake money in the ATM

And by “mastermind” I mean “idiot.”

ATM repairman accused of loading fake money.

An employee of an ATM servicing company has been charged with swapping $200,000 in fake bills for real cash at machines in Daly City and San Francisco, a prosecutor said Thursday….

[Samuel] Kioskli was an employee of Diebold, which services ATMs for Bank of America. On July 4, Kioskli went to six bank branches in San Francisco and one in Daly City and stole about $200,000 by replacing cash in the machine trays with counterfeit or photocopied $20 bills, Wagstaffe said.

“Kioskli used his work card key to access the ATMs and was captured on video at all seven locations, authorities said.”

What was he thinking? I’m serious. Did he actually think he’d get away with it?

Born to sing?

Read the first chapter of The Nightmare Thief online

The Nightmare Thief will be published in the UK on June 9th. That’s just over two weeks away. For folks in Britain, it’s fifteen days until Jo Beckett and Evan Delaney go up against a gang of kidnappers who are out for more than ransom.

To pique your interest — which is a cagy way of saying I want to drive you so mad with curiosity that you’ll not only order the book right now, you’ll spend the night before it’s released standing outside your local bookstore beating on the windows like hungry zombies — the first chapter of the novel has now been posted at my website.

Here’s how it opens:

The young trader stumbled from the trees like a scarecrow running on legs of straw. Her suit was muddy, her blouse torn, her sleek Asian hair matted with pine needles. She ran into the street directly in front of Autumn Reiniger’s BMW.

Autumn braked. “Oh, man.”

The trader glanced at her but didn’t break stride. With one arm she clutched a battered lockbox. The other arm she cradled to her chest, protecting what looked to Autumn like a broken wrist.

This was the place. Fun city.

Read the rest. Go on.

UPDATE. Comment of the week, from DJ Paterson: “Mmmm… Demimonde.”

For word lovers: Loanwords

Loanwords: words adopted by the speakers of one language from a different language.

For linguists, historians, and lovers of the English language. Almost 2,000 years of words absorbed into English.

It’s no surprise that desperado comes from Spanish. But chowder comes from French Canadian? Mon dieu.

U.S. book tour for The Nightmare Thief

Here’s news — for me and my travel schedule, if nothing else — this July I’m going on an American book tour to launch my new Jo Beckett/Evan Delaney novel, The Nightmare Thief. Here are confirmed events:

Thursday, July 21st
Murder by the Book – 6:30 p.m.
2342 Bissonnet St.
Houston, TX 77005
(713) 524-8597

Friday, July 22nd
Mystery People (Book People) – 7 p.m.
603 N. Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX
(512) 472-5050

Sunday, July 24th
The Poisoned Pen — 2 p.m.
4014 North Goldwater Blvd # 101
Scottsdale, AZ
+1 480-947-2974

Tuesday, July 26th
The BookMark Shoppe – 7 p.m.
8415 3rd Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11209
(718) 833-5115

Wednesday, July 27th
Mystery Lovers Bookshop – 6:00 p.m.
514 Allegheny River Boulevard
Oakmont, PA
(412) 828-4877

These are amazing independent bookstores, and I’m genuinely excited that I’ll have the chance to visit them all. Anybody who’s within two states: Please come along. Books! Talk! I’ll buy you a beer!

And before you ask: My publisher sets up all my events, in conjunction with bookstores. Where I go depends on that. I’d love to come to your town — honest — but if it’s not on the list this time, you’ll have to wait. (So Chicagoans, please don’t throw pizza at me. I’ll get there.)

I hope to see some of you this summer.

Would-be rock hustler gets mooned

“California woman touting moon rock for $1.7 million stung by NASA.”

A woman who tried to sell what she said was a rare piece of moon rock for $1.7 million was detained when her would-be buyer turned out to be an undercover NASA agent, officials said Friday.

The gray rocks, which are considered national treasures and are illegal to sell, were given to each U.S. state and 136 countries by then-President Richard Nixon after U.S. moon missions and can sell for millions of dollars on the black market.

Who knew that NASA has undercover agents?

The Liar’s Lullaby: Guardian review

The British paperback edition of The Liar’s Lullaby will be published in a few weeks. Here’s the cool and mysterious new cover. And below that is the cool review from the Guardian.

Joanna Hines writes:

“A fine symmetry bookends The Liar’s Lullaby. In the opening scene, Tasia McFarland, out-of-control, bipolar singer-songwriter and former wife of the US president, makes a dramatic entry on a stage on a zip-line; at the end Jo Beckett, forensic psychiatrist to San Francisco police department, body-rappels from a fifth floor window to escape a couple of crazed assassins. The first high wire act ends in carnage, the final one in rescue. Action scenes like these are full of just the kind of detailed, nail-biting drama that Gardiner does so well… Gardiner is brilliant at making the highly implausible convincing, and switches effortlessly from high tension to tenderness and heartache.”

And yes, that has flat-out made my Saturday morning.

Just in case the world ends tomorrow

There’s much hilarity, at least among me and my heathen friends, about the prediction by fundamentalist preacher Harold Camping that tomorrow worldwide disasters will befall the earth and the Rapture will snatch a tiny remnant of true Christianity into the clouds. But it’s not just me and the snarking, hellbound folks I hang out with. It’s big news all over.

A search for “May 21 doomsday” brings up 1950 articles on Google news. On Twitter, “If the world ends Saturday” is a top topic, worldwide. And on Facebook, 490,946 people have signed up to attend the event, “Post Rapture Looting.” (Time: 12-3 p.m. Saturday. Location: everywhere.)

However, USA Today reports that only a few of Rev. Camping’s employees believe they’ll be raptured tomorrow: apparently, 80% plan to report to work on Monday.

Meanwhile, Live Science explains the lure of the apocalyptic. And Armageddon isn’t all fun and games. It’s terror and disappointment, too. Slacktivist has a compassionate take on people who live in fear of Judgment Day.

But I don’t mean to be so serious. So what if floods, plagues of crows, and the cast of Jersey Shore descend on us in a chilling, tacky reaping. Let’s dance! What books would you read, and what music would you play, before/during/after the apocalypse?

I’d of course start with REM, segue into Carmina Burana (“O Fortuna!”) and then open up the dance floor to Motown. I’d finish with Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, to coincide with the influx of flaming comets. And on my reading list:

• The Stand, Stephen King
• A Canticle for Liebowitz, Walter Miller
• The Passage, Justin Cronin
• Childhood’s End, Arthur C. Clarke

I would also be remiss if I didn’t remind everybody that I have written a novel about an extremist sect that tries to bring on the Apocalypse. Yes, that would be China Lake. Yes, that would be the novel’s Edgar Award on the shelf right there. Yes, I believe pride is a deadly sin, but what are you going to do about it? You’re going to be dodging comets. You have bigger things to complain about. Hey, it’s not the end of the world.

The Nightmare Thief: Publishers Weekly review

All authors hold their breath waiting for the first editorial review of a new book. I just got an advance look at the review of The Nightmare Thief in next week’s Publishers Weekly. And it has put a big smile on my face.

Here’s an excerpt:

“Bringing her two series leads together for the first time, Gardiner pits forensic psychiatrist Jo Beckett (The Dirty Secrets Club) and reporter Evan Delaney (Kill Chain) against a kidnapping team that’s out for something more than ransom in this strong thriller… Gardiner really gets the adrenaline pumping.”

Thank you. That will start my weekend nicely.

Ways to support authors you love

Serious ways: 10 Simple Ways To Support Authors You Love.

Jody Hedlund offers excellent suggestions, including:

• Write a book review and post it on Amazon.
• Buy the book as a gift for friends and family.
• Ask your local library to carry the book.

Hilarious ways: Ten More Ways To Support Authors You Love.

Chuck Wendig suggests:

• Lay gifts at our feet.
• Take over bookstore displays.
• Be like Annie Wilkes.
• And… (my favorite) The Cult of Personality:

It’s one thing to toss us a kind word. Maybe say something nice about our books. Our hair. Our creamy, majestic thighs. It’s another thing entirely to recruit cult members to live in a compound in the woods, a “church” where you worship the center of your religion: us. That’s right. Time to get serious…

Point is, we need your love. We need your adoration. We need you to build hollow wooden effigies of us, trap our enemies inside, and burn the whole thing on a sacrificial pyre.

Don’t be afraid to get inventive. Pyramid schemes. Mind-control drugs. Book clubs.

It’s not much to ask, is it?

UK! Book! Giveaway! Part II

My upcoming novel, The Nightmare Thief, will be published in Britain on June 9th. To celebrate, my UK publisher is giving away copies of earlier books in the Jo Beckett series. That’s right — giving them away, as in free.

If you are a reader in the UK — meaning, for purposes of this giveaway, you have a UK mailing address — you can win one of these books.

This week, Blue Door is giving away The Liar’s Lullaby.

Once again, it’s first come, first served. The first six people in the UK to comment on this post will get a copy.

That’s all there is to it. Add a comment to this post. Don’t wait. If you want a book, put in your name. At which point your soul will become mine. Mine! Bwahahaha… oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.

Copies are also being given away via Twitter. So you have two chances to win. Good luck!