Pimp my novel: The Memory Collector British cover

Dana Jean writes: “I think you need to pimp The Memory Collector again so I can make comments about it.”

Okey-dokie. Look! It’s the cover for the UK paperback edition of The Memory Collector, which will hit British bookshelves after the start of the year.

Comment away.

However, I should note that, when asking me to pimp the novel, Dana Jean also asked, “Am I involved in monkey collisions?” This may be because she won the contest to be a character in the novel I’m currently writing, which features Jo Beckett’s tiny nemesis, Mr. Peebles. Or it may be an existential cri de coeur. The comments may tell.

Today in popular science

The Onion is on the case: Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding.

See, I’m not ignoring the blog — I’m just going nuts editing the new book. And because it’s a Jo Beckett novel, it features run ins with Mr. Peebles the Capuchin. Yes, monkey collisions. Yes, I’m over the edge.

Headline of the day

Firefighters learn cow whispering techniques.

Off to Bouchercon

Time to hit the road and head to Indianapolis for Bouchercon. Back later.

Twilight meets the cold light of day

If common sense intruded on Bella’s vampiric idyll… (Mildly gory and NSFW.)

(Via Bookninja.)

Gandhi pen misses the point entirely

Fountains of dismay greet “Gandhi pen”.

The Swiss penmaker Montblanc, in a jarring attempt to raise its profile in India, has unveiled a gold-and-silver fountain pen to commemorate Mahatma Gandhi, the independence leader whose austere asceticism was at the heart of his liberation campaign.

The limited-edition Ma­hatma Gandhi pen, priced at Rs1.1m ($23,000, €15,800, £14,400), has an 18-carat solid gold, rhodium-plated nib, engraved with Gandhi’s image, and “a saffron-coloured mandarin garnet” on the clip. The pens were unveiled this week, before the national holiday on Gandhi’s birthday.

Dilip R. Doshi, chairman of Entrack, Montblanc’s distributor in India, said the pen embodied Gandhi’s timeless philosophy of non-violence and respect for all living creatures. “We are creating a thing of simplicity and beauty that will last for centuries,” he said.

But Amit Modi, secretary of the 102-year-old Sabarmati Ashram that Gandhi founded to promote his ideas of radical egalitarianism and simple living, expressed dismay at the product, which he called “not relevant” to Gandhi’s name. “If he had seen this, he would have thrown it away,” Mr Modi said. “I cannot imagine why anybody has done this. We cannot recognise this.”

The Husband asks: “What’s next, a Gandhi Rolls Royce?”

(Via Book of Joe.)

Question Time: Answers VI

Dana Jean asks: “What book in your childhood (under age 13 let’s say) had the most impact on you as a person?”

It’s impossible to choose only one book. Several that I particularly love come to mind. From my very young childhood, my favorite book is Winnie the Pooh. From the beginning I loved those charming, winsome stories. I can still picture Pooh and Piglet in the tree as the flood waters rise. As for its influence: In Kill Chain, Evan Delaney jokes that London’s Holland Park is an evil twin of the Hundred Acre Wood, where Evil Piglet lurks on the grassy knoll.

In primary school, I loved the Black Stallion books. My friends and I checked them out of the school library every week. They were terrific as both adventure and sports novels, and the hero was a kid — Alec Ramsey — who could ride like a pro. And of course The Black is a great main character. As far as “serious” books, Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle In Time stands miles above all others I read — it’s a fabulous science fiction adventure that also tackles serious moral issues. And the heroine is named Meg. She was the only other Meg I knew as a kid.

And I’ll tell you who I discovered when I hit thirteen: Ray Bradbury. His books and short stories are heartbreaking and scary. Something Wicked This Way Comes still gives me the chills.

How about everybody else?

Favorite cult TV shows?

Entertainment Weekly rounds up their favorite cult television shows. Most of their choices I can take or leave, or have never watched — but that’s what makes a show “cult,” isn’t it? It’s obscure, quirky, and induces hatred or head-scratching in non-connoisseurs.

EW’s choices favor American TV — aside from their top pick, Doctor Who. From their list, I give thumbs up to The X-Files, Twin Peaks, and especially Mystery Science Theater 3000. (But then, I have a warped fondness for 1950s-era science fiction B-movies.) Oh, how my family loved that show. One of its alternate-dialogue quips became a rallying cry around my house: “Without food, gerbils die!”

Yes, we are sick puppies.

I’d add:

WKRP in Cincinnati
My Name Is Earl
Takeshi’s Castle — this Japanese game show is called by other names in other countries, but it’s endlessly, stupidly entertaining.

Is Mad Men cult?

Question Time: Answers V

Chris S asks:

How crazy-detailed do you get when creating characters and story arcs? Did you decide Evan hated peanut butter as a child or who her favorite author is? Do you figure out Jo’s ten-year plan is so you know that book 7 contains her plans to move to Maui? Some authors plan, some free-flow, some say the characters can take control and move the story in a different direction than they had planned on (shades of John Lennon). What’s your mileage?

I try to be detailed but not crazy. With characters, I try to get a handle on their personalities and values as well as their age, gender, appearance, and job description. I don’t go so far as to draw up a list of their favorite foods. Some writers who are just starting out think that giving a character a list of quirky traits constitutes character development (The hero plays the nose flute and always wears a kilt!) But what counts is a character’s “voice” and the choices he or she makes.

Aside from keeping a file with bare-bones ideas, I don’t plan future books. I do outline each book before I begin to draft it. Again, I try to be detailed but not crazy. I’ll map out the inciting incident and major turning points in the story. I need to have a handle on the beginning, middle, and end. But I certainly don’t sketch or list every single scene in the book before I begin to write.

This method of planning leaves room to develop characters and plot lines as the story goes along. I don’t think characters “take control” — when authors say that, I fear that they need to adjust their medication. But certainly, as I write, characters begin to take shape, and new possibilities present themselves. The character and the story may take off in previously unsuspected directions. A psychiatrist might call this an eruption of unconscious impulses. I call it creativity.

Question Time: Answers IV

Stacy from Dayton asks: “Have you ever thought about writing a stand alone book? And if so, what type?”

Yes, I have thought about it. I’d love to write either a paranormal romance with a unicorn as narrator, or a cookbook.

No. Joking. Note to my editor: If I just made you spit coffee on your screen, I apologize.

But I certainly do think about writing standalone novels. I have a head full of book ideas, and not all of them involve Jo Beckett or Evan Delaney. Any standalones would be thrillers — maybe involving international intrigue, or a heist that goes horribly wrong, or global disaster.

You know, fun stuff.

Ken asks: “Apart from the obvious, such as butter and its substitutes, what do you put on your toast in the morning?”

Jam. I slather it on, the better to imagine my characters stuck in one. Then I think about how they’ll get out of it. Or in the case of certain characters named after contest winners, how they won’t.

Question Time: Answers III

Dan asks: “I’ve always wondered if any of the characters in your books are based on, or inspired by, people that you know or have met. We don’t know too much about Jo, yet… but we’ve been introduced to many of Evan’s friends – are they based on your friends and/or family?”

Short answer: No. For two reasons. One, basing characters on real people can constrain an author — often by reducing what should be fiction into a rehash of the author’s dealings with those people. (Take it from me, there’s nothing more tiresome than reading an excruciatingly accurate “fictional” recap of somebody’s feud with a neighbor or breakup with a boyfriend.) And two, it opens authors up to legal problems, particularly defamation and invasion of privacy.

Longer answer: It’s impossible to create fictional characters from whole cloth, because we live in human society. Any writer worth her salt is going to draw upon history, current events, human psychology, family politics, and her own life experience in crafting characters on the page.

What I find when I invent characters is that sometimes, in a first draft, they feel flat. Cardboard. They have a role in the story, but may be bland. They don’t seem to speak with distinctive voices. When that happens I get out of the house, go into town, and watch people. I observe the way they cut through a crowd, order coffee, ignore or help an elderly person, smile or abuse a waitress, sneer at or support their spouse, jump aboard a subway train, and snap their gum while they scope out the (younger) men on the train. And, watching the way people move, and talk, and face the world, sometimes characters click in my mind, and begin to come alive.

Final answer: Evan’s friends and family are not based on mine. Seriously. None of them. As I say in my website FAQ: Not the lethal hooker in the Catholic school uniform. Not the lovelorn fighter pilot. Not Evan’s brave, sarcastic, and wounded lover. Friends, neighbors, husband: They’re not you.

But it doesn’t matter how many times I say it. Nothing stops people who share my DNA, or went to school with me, from writing to ask who a character really is. But that’s all part of the fun.

Question Time: Answers II

Let’s grab some more questions from the list.

Snart asks: Do you still own those beige and blue saddle shoes?

No. I donated them to charity years ago.

Patti asks: Oh yes, and that thing about the ducks — what about those webbed feet?

These days it’s acceptable for ducks to go barefoot. But shy or fashion-conscious ducks can get shoes from the charity Foul Fowl Footware. I hear they have some beige and blue saddle shoes in stock.

Dana Jean asks: Have you ever thought about writing a children’s book? You have a great sense of humor, I could see you doing a great job with that.

Are you calling my humor juvenile?

And before you can say, “If it walks like a duck in saddle shoes…”

The ability to write good children’s books is a gift. It also takes a whole lot of thought and craft. I’d have to think hard about it.

(This is also a good place to remind everybody: I do not write The Princess Diaries. That’s Meg Cabot.)

However, writing a Young Adult book is a possibility, especially since The Memory Collector surprised me by proving a hit with teen readers. You never know.

Question time: Answers, part 1

Thanks for all the questions. I’m going to pull them randomly. First, Eddie asks:

Is there anyone you’d like to co-write with, or are you strictly solo?

Solo, though not strict. I’m a liberal, easygoing solo writer. I’m not going to go all Opus Dei on people who want to collaborate, and send an albino assassin to whip them with a cilis. For instance, I wrote Frankenstories with Maxine Clarke and Snart.

That said, I’d love to write lyrics for songs composed by the Husband. But we tried it once and nearly killed each other. After that, we limited our creative collaboration to having children.

Do you commit short stories?

Yes. But it’s been so long since I committed a short story that the statute of limitations has run, and I can’t be prosecuted.

How many licks does it take to get the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Zero. Pull off the wrapper and bite the thing.

What, if anything, do you miss about living in the States?

Good Mexican food, customer service, college football games on crisp autumn afternoons, marching bands, my kids, my mom, my sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

And Halloween. Thanksgiving. Midnight Mass at the Old Mission in Santa Barbara. Reuben sandwiches. Thunderstorms over the desert in New Mexico. Hearing a double sonic boom as the space shuttle flies overhead on its way to touchdown.

That’ll hold me for now.

Question time

What would you like to know? How do writers choose titles for their books? How long does it take to write a 90,000 word novel? Why do ducks have webbed feet?

Ask away.