I get feedback on my blog posts – in person, at home. Here, freely paraphrased, is last night’s conversation with my spouse about the socialist critic who said I had a weapons fetish.

Husband: You’re brave. You slapped down a reviewer. (I.e., What the hell were you thinking?)

Me: I slapped down a reviewer who thinks it’s Moscow 1917, and that paradise will come when the proletariat destroys the capitalist running dog Yankees. That’s not brave, it’s fun.

Husband: Okay. But you slapped down a British publication for dissing America.

Me: He dissed American women. I mentioned that it was a British publication so readers would understand that the writer wasn’t himself American.

Husband: All right. (I.e., Oh, so you do know that the British press has been overwhelmingly positive toward you. As have your British colleagues. And friends. And pets.)

Me: Besides, the guy stepped on my toes. Trashing US gun-nuts is my prerogative. Same with American celebrity wannabes. And hillbillies.

Husband: (Silence.)

Me: What?

Husband: (Glare that says, You Okies pick on hillbillies because there’s nobody else you can pick on.)

Me: (Dang, we do. It’s almost as if we exhibit the same sort of prejudices as that reviewer.) (Smile apologetically. Think happy thoughts about Appalachia. Don’t tell my husband his home state’s motto is “West Virginia is for Cousins.”)

Husband: And why did you talk about the weapons?

Me: What?

Husband: The weapons in the closet. The tongfas, the chucks, the staff. That kobudo cosh stick I got you for your keyring. (Look of incredulity.) Have you forgotten my samurai sword?

Me: Your karate equipment – I didn’t think about it. Oh, my God. I actually do have a collection of Japanese assassin’s gear.

And yeah, it is wicked.

(For the record, my husband worked hellaciously hard for his black belt, and the martial arts gear is solely for sports. Only the samurai sword has ever been used for self defense, and only by me. And when I finished chasing him out of the house, that squirrel knew who was boss. The sword is now safely stored in my mother’s attic, but if the raccoons attack, she knows what to do with it.)

And babe, tell me now if you’ve stashed away anything else I should know about. Such as a dueling banjo.

12 responses to “Feedback

  1. :o)

    I laughed out loud at this post, Meg. Great married couple conversation!

    Coincidentally, I went to my first karate lesson last week, after an (almost) three-year break. It’s great to get the gi back on again! Does your husband still train?


  2. Just how does one load a dueling banjo?

  3. Come to think of it, I’ve got my own (tiny) collection. Congrats to your husband! I’m hoping to be there, too, someday!

  4. Patti

    I think there are full instructions in ‘Deliverance’, with Burt Reynolds – sans moustache (& sleeves)

  5. Patti – I did a spit-take, cleaned up the coffee, went to the grocery store, came back. Still laughing.

    One doesn’t load that banjo. One’s Second does. One takes a shot of courage, and hopes that when it comes time to duel, the likker from the still hasn’t made him go blind.

  6. Wayne C. Rogers

    Chasing the squirrel around the house with a Japanese katana reminded of something out of a Joe R. Lansdale novel! Squirrels can be more vicious than a Pit Bull. LOL. Since your husband is a marital artist, let him know that The Yakuza with Robert Mitchum and Takakura Ken has finally come out on DVD here in the States. A great movie about lost love, obligation, and the cost of friendship. There’s also a fabulous sword-fighting scene at the end, but there’s no squirrels in it. Uh, I’ve been to West Virginia and there’s nothing wrong with dating one of your cousins. Actually, the same applies for North Carolina, though there’s very little banjo playing.

  7. DJ and Meg, thank you for the clarification.

    As for ammunition for said banjo, I was thinking along the lines of bird shot in casings made from preserved squirrel intestines. The rest of the ballistics have me a little stumped. Barring that, perhaps the strings could tuned something like GFG#EF#.

    Meg, my boy heard the squawk of laughter and came running to see what the fuss was about. I tried to explain, but got all tangled up in Japanese assassins, squirrels, Deliverance, 18th century dueling practices, and wood alcohol and just gave up. Son’s comment: “Are you sure this website is good for you?” And that was with the omission of the cousin-dating bit.

  8. I have a great “cousins dating” type joke, but perhaps this isn’t the place…

  9. DJ, yes, the square dance may be a more appropriate venue.

    And now I’m getting concerned, Patti. My husband saw your suggested ballistics tuning scheme, looked pensive, and said, “Might not work. I’m sure Dueling Banjos is in D.”

    “Are you sure this website is good for you?” — I’ve only been blogging for six months, and already earned a warning label. Yay!

  10. Oh dear, I wasn’t thinking in terms of actually playing the song, just looking for a really offensive tuning where an open chord would set up a nasty buzzing noise deep in the ear and possibly curdle the blood. It was pretty toxic on the piano.

  11. Pingback: Poetry and prose, an anthology, oh my! | lying for a living

  12. Pingback: The War of the Squirrels, Part III | lying for a living

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