Royal Wedding week: the build up

(Photo: Your Royal Wedding correspondent, decked out in her native dress.)

As your official Royal Wedding correspondent, I’ve been keeping my eyes on Britain’s newspapers and magazines. I’ve also been asking the man on the street — okay, the boy and girl in my kitchen — for opinions on the big event.

For today’s vox pop, I asked my son’s girlfriend how she and her friends plan to celebrate the royal nuptials.

She thought hard. “One group of friends are having an all-day party, where they’re going to be as English as they possibly can.”

My son: “So everybody will be eating curry and drinking Fosters?”

“No. One of them is baking miniature Victorian sponges,” she said, looking baffled and slightly stunned.

(Photo: Today’s tabloids and glossy magazines. Yes, that’s Rob Lowe, shirtless, on the Vanity Fair cover. Don’t judge me.)

And on the tabloid front, here are today’s most absurd and misleading headlines. Because nobody does absurd and misleading like the British tabs.

From The Mirror:

“A Hanson Prince. Latest star to get involved with our royal wedding campout is… Taylor Hanson. Remember him?!”

But it turns out Taylor Hanson isn’t actually camping out at Westminster Abbey with the Mirror’s little hotty totty reporter in her pup tent.

Having spent the entire Bank Holiday weekend wilting inside her tent for our Royal Wedding Camp Out, we decided to surprise our reporter by organising an extremely important phonecall from an iconic musician.

Taylor, the fittest one off Hanson.

Yes, the lovely, bushy-haired bloke dropped her a line, all the way from Oklahoma, to chat about the Royal Wedding and the band’s new single Give A Little.

Bonus tabloid excitement: The first sentence of that extract did indeed start with a dangling participle!

(Photo: the Mirror’s patriotic Royal Wedding Camp Out tent.)

Tabloid doozy 2 comes from The Sun:

“Kate Middleton ‘To Borrow Queen’s Diamond Tiara.'”

Well, no. Kate has not wrested the “glittering Russian fringe tiara” from the Queen’s hands. A woman has bet that she will.

A GAMBLER left bookies quaking last night after placing a bet worth £72,000 on Kate Middleton wearing this Russian fringe tiara as she weds.

If the posh punter’s hunch is correct, it will mean Kate, 29, has borrowed the priceless head-dress from the Queen to tie the knot with Prince William.

But while the headline is ridiculously misleading, the article brings up an important point: In Britain, you can bet on anything. Horse racing, of course. Soccer, sure — that’s why two big bookmaking chains opened franchises in my little suburb right after Chelsea Football Club moved its training facility to the town. Cobham is overrun with betting shops. There’s one next to the bookstore, and another one fifty yards away by the fish & chip shop. There are so many bookies in town that a friend once walked through the door of what she thought was a travel agency, only to find a wall of televisions and men cheering for the racehorses in the Grand National.

But betting in the UK isn’t limited to sports. Pick anything, and you can slap down money on it. British bookies let you gamble at Bingo, or bet on who’ll be chosen Archbishop of Canterbury.

And on what Kate Middleton’s going to be wearing on her head. Me, I bet it’ll be a smile.

UPDATE: Many thanks to the Penguin USA blog The Author’s Desk for cross-posting this.

2 responses to “Royal Wedding week: the build up

  1. Excellent. Keep your nose to the grindstone and keep us informed.

  2. They should’ve had a Jeremy Kyle themed party.

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