Woke up this morning, got myself a gun

The vortex of weird crime has burrowed deep through the planet from Kitsap County, and emerged in South Yorkshire. Add this story to the Mind-boggling Dumb-assery Top Hits of 2011.

Man blasts away wart, and finger, with shotgun.

For five years Sean Murphy was driven to distraction by a painful blemish that no amount of creams, ointments or doctors’ appointments could cure.

So he came up with his own radical and permament procedure to remove the stubborn wart forever – he blasted it with a 12-bore shotgun.

Murphy “found the Beretta under a hedge earlier in the year. Having decided to use the Beretta, he administered the ‘anaesthetic’ of Yorkshire bitter.” Then he pulled the trigger. That got rid of the wart. And when the smoke cleared, he discovered, to his surprise, that it had also gotten rid of his finger.

Murphy denies that the beer affected his aim.

He’s not bitter. And he doesn’t blame it, either. A good Yorkshireman.

This guy is the astral twin of the Kitsap man who tried to loosen lug nuts on his Lincoln with a shotgun. What makes people think that when something won’t budge — nuts, warts — the only logical solution is twelve-gauge buckshot?

Murphy “pleaded guilty to theft of the shotgun by finding, and a second charge of possessing a firearm without a valid certificate.” South Yorkshire Police “are still trying to discover how the Beretta found its way to the hedge where Murphy found it.”

Check the vortex.

3 responses to “Woke up this morning, got myself a gun

  1. Tha’ can allus tell a Yorkshireman, but tha’ can’t tell ‘im much.

    Clearly.

  2. What to say, what to say…

  3. That sure paints a colorful picture on knowing someone warts and all.
    Well, let’s try and look on the brighter side of a rather dim feller, one less trigger finger 😉 .

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