This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Jersey Shore-naments

Rich writes: “Just shoot me now.”

Jersey Shore Christmas ornaments.

Yes, now you can celebrate the birth of Jesus by decorating your tree with Snooki and her heaving, spangly boobs, plus the Situation hoisting his shirt to admire his own physique. The only thing less appropriate would be Westboro Baptist Church decorations: little protesters with hideous picket signs, screaming abuse every time you pass the tree.

To counter this abomination, I suggest another ornament: Jack Reacher. At 4 a.m., he climbs down the Christmas tree and rips the Jersey Shore ornaments to shreds.

15 responses to “This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Jersey Shore-naments

  1. Before this, I’d always laughed off talk of the “War on Xmas” – now, I’m not so sure. Surely, Snooki, the Situation, et al., are bio-engineering weapons as terrifying as the Alien itself. . .

    (And when referring to the Situation, shouldn’t the “the” be capitalized . . .? Or would his muscles frown upon that?)

  2. I found a good solution for the Jersey Shornaments. The Mossberg “Just In Case” Kit. While it won’t hang on a tree, it could make a good stocking stuffer.

    http://uncrate.com/stuff/mossberg-just-in-case-kit/

    “In case of emergency. In case of zombie outbreak. In case of rabid squirrel attacks — whatever the case, you can rely on the Mossberg Just In Case Kit…”

  3. Westboro Church, what a disgusting bunch. I was happy to see a story on them being chased by irate mourners somewhere. Why can’t NATO seem to accidentally hit that bunch with an errant missile? I can’t imagine anyone would mind.

  4. Hang them on the lowest branches. The cat has to have something to bat at till it falls off and breaks.

  5. Remember that the Jack Reacher ornament needs to come complete with travel toothbrush and ATM card!

  6. Well, given that all of our ornaments are in storage, either waiting to go to Brazil or to stay in storage for a few years, we are in need of ornaments this year. Perhaps these would be an option? I’ll ask the kids….

  7. The Jersey Shornaments are indeed terrifying. It’s always good, though, to check out the horrors displayed in “The Twelve Days of Kitschmas” at “Ship of Fools:” http://www.ship-of-fools.com/kitschmas/2008/index.html. They’re a reminder that something is out there…

  8. I posed for the one on the left. The thing coming out of his head bit.

  9. What’s crawling down Snooki’s inner thigh? It looks like a penis. Doesn’t it? Oh sweet baby jesus, I think her cooch bit off someone’s penis. Maybe that’s what The Situation is looking for when he pulls his shirt away like that.

  10. Uh oh. I just posted a comment that is now awaiting moderation. I think I used too many hot button words.

    • Hahahahahaha…. you so bad-arse!

      • I can’t imagine anyone but these people and their relatives buying these ornaments. Are they that popular? Where are these being sold? Hallmark? Between the 2011 edition of the Grinch and the classic Snoopy?

    • Hmmm, I can’t see where you may have tripped off any hot button. *shrugs*
      Hahahahahahahahahahaha *snooooor-thingee!*

  11. Wow, we’re really missing out Down Under, our decorations don’t look anything like these.
    (Generally we have to use recycled Possum parts, y’know… in keeping with our “Clean, Green Image”. … I was going to finish with a smiley-guy, but having just recently failed Appropriate Smiley-Guy 101 I haven’t the courage.)

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