“Man Fire-Bombs Taco Bell for Meatier Chalupa”

30 bizarre taco-related crimes.

The datelines on these stories range from Alaska to Florida, but as far as I can tell, none are from Kitsap County. (Though Vancouver, Washington is in Clarke County, along the swirling edge of the vortex of weird crime.)

I can’t decide which story is the strangest — maybe, “Sleeping Florida man arrested in drive-thru, offers cops taco as I.D. from inside burning car.” Or “Woman in court for trying to sell baby at Taco Bell.”

And I am taken aback by the number of arrests for taco-throwing. Who throws tacos? Tortilla chips, sure — they’re like corn-based ninja throwing stars. But tacos? What are you going to do, fling your lunch and run away while your victim shrieks, “My hair! The shredded lettuce and cheese, it’s in my hair! Get it out!”

Also: I am now very hungry.

4 responses to ““Man Fire-Bombs Taco Bell for Meatier Chalupa”

  1. It’s a little before 5am here near Chicago. But, yeah. I could go for a taco. I’m in.

  2. Taco-throwing aside (no, they didn’t throw them sideways, at least as far as I could tell), there is rather a lot of shooting of workers in fast-food restaurants.

  3. I would be the person with her mouth open bouncing around trying to catch those thrown tacos in my big fat gob.

    That’s blasphemy, that’s what that is. NEVER waste a taco. So disrespectful to Tacos.

  4. I’ve always found that tortillas, whilst having the perfect sharp edges, don’t have the weight to make them effective at anything other than short-range.

    A lobbed taco, however, has that scatter effect over a longer range.

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