“He was very well wedged in there.”

Start the week with a sampler of the bizarre. All these stories feature food-and-drink related incidents. Mmm, taste the weird.

First, Dan sends a link to this story:

Woman accused of stabbing man with squirrel.

[P]olice arrested a woman early Christmas morning after she reportedly stabbed a man with a ceramic squirrel in an argument over beer.

Ah, with the added context it makes perfect sense.

Second, another crime story Dan calls “comfort food:”

Brother arrested in fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

The victim told police that his brother, Jerome Davis, “made three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate them in the living room. Within the next hour, the suspect made another three of these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bringing his total consumption of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to six. This angered the victim.”

You gotta stop at five. Five, man.

Next, Fake cop flashes buttocks, wants IHOP meal.

A server asked Skytta if he had money to pay for his meal, to which Skytta replied, “No, but I am a cop, and I get food for free.”

The report said Skytta, 55, then pulled an OPD insignia patch out of his wallet.

The server told Skytta police pay for their meals at IHOP and he wouldn’t be getting any free food. … [Skytta] then dropped his pants and exposed himself to the server and customers, the report said.

The best part?

Skytta was still at the booth when police arrived.

Finally, Rescuers use olive oil to extract naked man from washing machine

Police had to use olive oil to free a naked man who became trapped in a top-loading washing machine.

The unctuous intervention was part of a 20-minute rescue operation mounted in Mooroopna, Victoria, to pry the man from the hiding place he had planned to use to surprise his wife.

“He was very well wedged in there and we were concerned for his health and wellbeing,” Shepparton police sergeant Michelle De Araugo told Shepparton News.

‘‘It was just a game gone wrong. It would be fair to say the gentleman was very embarrassed.”

Olive oil. So good for what ails you.

3 responses to ““He was very well wedged in there.”

  1. nickdangerthirdeye

    Sadly, part of the real human interest side of the story never made it to press.
    Sources close to the couple, asked not to be identified as they did not have permission to discuss the incident, told reporters the wife was overheard speaking to a friend and said, “Julie, I saw him in there and just couldn’t turn the damn thing on quick enough before the olive oil guy showed up. I mean if Olive Oil Man was a nano-second slower I would have put an end to more needless suffering; it just slipped through my fingers.”
    Well, that’s olive oil for you.

  2. The first thing I thought about the fake policeman was “I bet he would have had no problem pulling that swindle at Dunkin’ Donuts?”

  3. Is this that oil pulling stuff I’m hearing so much about?

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