CHIRPY VOICE: Hi! This is Ashley with consumer promotions!
ME: (Thinking… Ashley sounds suspiciously like a recording.)
ASHLEY: How are you today?
ME: I’m hanging upside down on a hook in a meat packing plant.
ASHLEY: Great! You’re eligible to win a Caribbean vacation!
ME: They’re coming for you next, Ashley.
ASHLEY: It’s exciting! Let’s get started!
And I went back to my coffee. Now people in Starbucks are giving me the side eye.