Tag Archives: Contest 2011

Contest 2011: And the winner is…

A huge thank you to everybody who entered this year’s contest. We had more entries than ever before, and I laughed out loud at many submissions. I’m constantly amazed and delighted by the imaginative nuttery of folks who read my blog.

Before I announce the winner and runners up, I’d like to take a moment to single out some entries for Honorable Mention. (Come on — you knew I’d drag out the suspense. I’m a thriller writer.) These all made me smile.

Honorable Mention:

Chris: Mr. Peebles crosses the finish line to win Cousin Tater’s tots.

Tony: Embracing his new career in puppy-rodeo, George W Bush got ready to lasso him some chicken wings.

Lloyd: Perk of the job: highly-trained narcotics detection dog scores a whole noseload of the good stuff, but now he’s hallucinating, he’s got a monkey on his back.

Pop Culture Nerd: Lassie’s cousin Lessie’s career didn’t turn out as well.

Flakes: In an uncharacteristic outburst Ferd cries, “Screw you Mr. Peebles–screw you and the dog you rode in on!”

Rhonda Elston Mickelson: Devolution. (Extra points for brevity!)

Dru: Giddiyup, I’m the Lone Ranger on a dog.

Dana Jean: 

High Noon:

The bar’s doors swayed back and forth on their rusted hinges, squeaking an ancient hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye with every swing.

Peebles hippity hopped–the way monkeys do–out to the middle of the dirt road. He fumbled his gun and was cut down before he could hoot a “draw.”

Chunks of Peebles clung to every hooker on the weathered boardwalk–he was reduced to Rhesus pieces.

Susan: After the crippling expenses of The Wedding, the Queen insisted on severe cutbacks throughout the family exchequer. However, the savings realised on reducing Charles’s exhorbitant polo pony bills were more than offset by the cost of acquiring down-sized riders.

Astrid Y.C. Have: (Special recognition for being the youngest entrant, and writing in her second language. Astrid is eight, Danish, living in Beijing, attending an international school.)

I think that the monkey is on the dog because it is rescuing a person.
Or maybe it’s about to go home and change to his Halloween costume. And getting his bag for trick or treating. When he was done he went to meet his friends at the park. One of his friends was dressed as a dog. The other one was dressed as a monster and it frightened the dog so it ran as fast as it could from the monster. When the Halloween ended the dog ran home. The monkey was so exhausted after the party. He most got candies so he tried one and said ’’Um……um….well….I love it!!! And he was glad that Halloween was today! Next time on Halloween he knew what to do and that is not to meet others at parks but anywhere else. Or else one of them maybe will be dressed as a monster again so it’ll scare away the dog again.

Runners up: These two entrants will both receive signed copies of one of my novels.

Brian Cameron:

Dear Sir/Madam,

Please accept my action photo for your next printing of Wheaties – Breakfast of Capuchins! Being the generous soul that I am, I plan on sending 10% of my (net, after expenses) royalty payments to charity.

–Mr. Peebles

Rich K:

Mr. Peebles demonstrates the intricacies of herding lawn ornaments in the National Gnomeo Finals.

And the winner, who will have a character named after him in my upcoming novel Ransom River:


As Jo lay on the ground wrestling with Little Ricky, she looked over his shoulder and saw that the first of the Monkey Collie cybernetic hybrids designed in the bowels of China Lake’s military research facilities was bearing down upon her. Since Ferd had accidentally created a rift in reality with the creation of his own fully functional, artificially intelligent, katana-wielding, and unanticipatedly evil Seven of Jo-bot, Murphy’s Law had not only gone into overdrive: It had mutated and evolved into the writhing, tentacular force that now dominated their lives. Dolls had become possessed, evil schemes had been facilitated, and all those closest to Jo had been turned into living zombies controlled by her own evil borg counterpart. Jo had to destroy her. But first, she had to reduce Little Ricky to evil kindling and evade the Monkey Collies – which, when they sighted their prey, blew miniature horns modeled after those of Charlton Heston’s full-size pursuers in The Planet of the Apes. Couldn’t she ever just wake up in a nice frothy comedy? Or in a musical, singing ABBA . . . or would that be even more terrifying?

Well done, all. Congratulations.

(Photo credit: Dan Callister/Rex Features)

Update II: Contest poetry

The winner of Contest 2011 will be announced shortly. Yes, really. I mean it. I know you all checked in over the weekend to see if I’d kept my promise to announce the results. I failed. Apologies.

In the meantime, here’s an unexpected result from the contest: group-sourced contestant poetry. As the clock ticked down to the deadline, several contestants began writing verse. Which proved wonderful and vastly amusing to me, so I’m re-posting it here. Keep in mind that this poem was written on the spur of the moment, and over the course of about an hour, by writers in Nebraska, New Zealand, and Iowa, with a final verse added in England. I love the Internet. And my blog readers.

I’ve noted in parentheses the author of each verse.

Anapests, aka poetic meth*

‘Twas the hour before judgment
And all through the blog
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a “mog.”

“The entries were posted to the blog with great care,
In the hopes that The Meg would espy them there.
And as hour marched on and midnight drew near,
Did the blog-reading masses have no more to share?”

“The minions awaited Meg’s doom all aquiver:
Which of them would die in her tale, Ransom River?”

“Mama in her kerchief, on top of a dog,
Had monkeyed around through the dust and the smog.
On Peebles, on Ferd, On Whiplash, and others,
Which poster has tickled the Meg o’ Death’s druthers?”

Oh, hell! Alright…

“Alone with her iMac, and iPad, and iPhone,
Meg tried to decide who had made her not groan,
But laugh like a women on Jack and Mint, Juniors,
But time, it ran out, and not later, but sooners,
Who come from OK-ville, where Meg too had sprung,
And where, more than once, The Husband had sung.

But now I digress, and get off of the track,
It’s time to let go and, to Meg, give a crack
At trying to separate wheat from the chaff,
And choosing a winner at whom she did laugh

“… and as midnight had struck over England this night,
The competitors put down their pens and they sighed.
Another contest had come and then gone,
So happy they were to have again played along…
And as Meg settled down for her night of slumber,
She thought she did hear in her blog distant thunder…
Of dogs and monkeys and rodeo gear,
Of horses and cowboys and Ho’s filled with beer….
and she thought to herself as sleep crept up close,
I should’ve taken a pill… hell a double-dose!”

Merry Contest to all, and to all a good night.

Official contest results in a couple of hours.


Update: Contest judging is underway

I’m working on it. Results soon.

Contest 2011: the judging begins

Contest 2011 is now closed. Thank you to everybody who entered.

Now it’s my turn. I’ll print out all the entries and wander down to the firing range with a .45 and a blindfold, and we’ll see what I hit. Or something like that. Maybe something like reading through them.

The winner and runners up will be announced this weekend.

Reminder: Enter Contest 2011

You have until Monday 17 October at 11:59 p.m. GMT to enter Contest 2011.

In the comments section of the Contest 2011 post, explain what’s happening in this photo. 200 words maximum.

The winner will have a character named after him or her in my next novel.

Two runners-up will receive signed copies of one of my books.

This week: Wales. And Contest 2011!

Wednesday evening I’ll be at Sandfields Library, Port Talbot, Wales, for “Meet the Author.” The author being me. Come on down. Speak Welsh to me. Talk about the Rugby World Cup. I’d love to see you.

Wednesday 12 October, 6:30-8:00 p.m.
Sandfields Library
Morrison Road, Sandfields
Port Talbot, Wales
SA12 6TG
Tel: (01639) 883616
email: sandfields.library@npt.gov.uk

And all week, all weekend: Enter Contest 2011! You could become a character in my next novel. Or inflict that fate bestow that honor on a friend or relative.