Tag Archives: Monkeys

Question Time 2015: Answers Part III

Today’s Q&A features Evan Delaney and seditious monkeys.

First, two questions about Evan.

From Anne:

I just started your Evan Delaney series and I just love her. Will you write another Delaney book? Or did you have a reason to stop with the 5th book?

And from Susan:

Me too. Still waiting for the next Evan and Jesse episode. But I can understand if you’ve moved on. (Maybe though, just a hint of an epilogue?)

Guys. I’ll never move on from Evan and Jesse. They’re the characters I’ve lived with the longest and love like hell. I took a break from the series because I had other stories I wanted to write, and because my publishers were eager to publish the Jo Beckett novels and my stand alones. But I haven’t forgotten Evan. In the past few years a lot has been going on in the background. The novels were optioned for development by Fox TV. I spent time with the screenwriter working on the pilot script. The series wasn’t picked up (nothing new there; it’s Hollywood) but the project is still out there. And I have a folder on my computer titled “Evan Delaney: Novel 6.”

In the meantime, Jesse makes cameo appearances in several other novels, and Evan is featured along with Jo Beckett in The Nightmare Thief. I hope that’ll hold you for now.

Next: In my original Question Time 2015 post, I said, “Ask me anything — about my books, writing, publishing, how to train an army of monkeys to infiltrate the White House — whatever’s on your mind.”

From Bill Malloy:

Hmm, how would you train an army of monkeys to infiltrate the White House?

Smartass. I’ve been training these monkeys for years now. YEARS. If you think I’m going to reveal my techniques, you’re nuts. Get your own monkeys and get to work.

Or, you know, you could take them on the White House Tour.

It always comes down to monkeys

… And to Kitsap County.

Here are some April 1st headlines that are not April Fool’s jokes.

First up: Germans Seize Justin Bieber’s Monkey. And that’s not a euphemism for naughty hijinks; they actually seized a monkey.

Canadian teen heartthrob Justin Bieber had his pet monkey Mally confiscated when he arrived with the animal at Munich airport, officials and media reports said Saturday.

Customs officials put the capuchin monkey in quarantine on Thursday because the 19-year-old pop sensation was unable to present the necessary documents for importing a live animal.

The monkey has requested asylum.

Next up: Forget Ukrainian Killer Ninja Dolphins. The new threat is squid bombs.

An unexploded bomb was found inside a squid when the fish was slaughtered at a fish market in Guangdong province.

The stall owner, who has been selling fish for 10 years, told the newspaper the 1-meter-long squid might have mistaken the bomb for food.

Mm-hmm. Suuuure.

Third: Today’s a travel day for me. I’m off, once again, to central Texas, where there’s no possibility I can be attacked by an explodey squid or an infected Bieber-monkey, or… what’s that you say? North Korea has plans for me?

Kim Jong-Un’s Latest, Unbelievable Threat: Bombing Austin, Texas.

Yippee kay-yay.

So I’ll leave you with news from the vortex of weird crime. The Kitsap Sun reports: Undelivered Mail Unearthed at Ex-Mailman’s Property.

SEATTLE (AP) — A Belfair contract mail carrier who was fired in 2010 for burning undelivered mail had held on to much more — 159 tubs buried in a trench on his property at Belfair, according to recently unsealed court documents…

A Postal Service employee living with Farrell told the Fox Island Post Office postmaster she had seen Farrell and two other people burying mail in a 5-foot by 30-foot trench, a Postal Service agent told the court.

The woman told investigators one of Farrell’s associates used a backhoe to dig the trench, which the men then filled with mail Farrell had been storing in sheds on the property.

“In 2010, Farrell was sentenced to 130 hours of community service for burning thousands of letters that went undelivered because he spent his day in a tavern.”

And yes: these final three stories would all have worked out better if Justin Bieber’s monkey was in charge, instead of squid-stuffers, Kim Jong Uh-Oh, or a drunken mail-burner.

Now I’m off to Texas, where the stars at night are big and bright — let’s hope not explosively bright. Yeehaw!

What, no monkey boots?

Dapper monkey shocks shoppers at IKEA.

An unaccompanied monkey wearing a stylish winter coat and a diaper surprised Sunday shoppers at a Toronto Ikea.

The fashionable rhesus macaque, sporting a miniature shearling jacket, was first spotted in the parking lot, before roaming around and eventually being cornered inside the store.

Police believe that the pet had been in a car before escaping from both a crate and the vehicle to look around Ikea. Canadian police said: ‘It’s a smart monkey.’

Mr. Peebles has a lot to learn when it comes to monkey fashion.

The monkeypocalypse draws nearer

Cute, or sinister?

The Huffington Post caption reads: “Think baby animals are cute? Well it doesn’t get much cuter than a baby monkey, Miwa, riding a baby boar, Uribo.”

But Jason writes: “Riding into the Monkey War?”

I am thrilled that my plan — to turn you all into sick, twisted people who see  mayhem and the possibility of disaster in the most innocent of scenes — is proceeding so well.

Monkey smugglers convicted

Woman smuggled monkey under blouse.

What’s the most disturbing part of the story?

a) The woman “hid a sedated monkey under her blouse on a flight from Thailand to Los Angeles – pretending she was pregnant.”

b) Gypsy Lawson “successfully passed through U.S. Customs in Los Angeles with the rhesus monkey hidden in her shirt.”

c) The caption for the photo accompanying the story reads, “This is a chimp, not a monkey. But we just don’t care.”

(Thanks to Dan for the link.)