A couple of days ago we took the kids to see Avatar. I’m a huge science fiction fan and have been looking forward to this movie for months — with trepidation. As I told a friend beforehand, I didn’t know which James Cameron would show up to write and direct: T2 Cameron, or The Abyss Cameron. I managed my expectations about the movie, even after Manohla Dargis raved about it in the New York Times.
I didn’t need to worry. Avatar blew me away. It’s fantastically entertaining. The cast is terrific, the 3D makes it an immersive experience, and the world Cameron creates is jaw-droppingly beautiful. I found the story gripping and at points deeply emotional. It has elements of Quest, Rebirth… okay, the action sequences are awesome.
I walked out of the theater thunderstruck. Then my daughter said, “Well, that was Fern Gully on crack.”
Further wisecracks from the kids and the Husband ensued, referencing Ewok battles, Pearl Harbor, Titanic, Mel Gibson, and Dances With Wolves. Maybe other jokes as well, but at that point I drove off without them.
Well, now the snarking has stopped, thanks to our stumbling on the most awesomely awful science fiction movie of all time: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.
It features hideous, stilted acting, bad sex, a battleship firing guns in the wrong direction as a sixty-foot shark fin bears down on it, and former ’80s teen singing sensation Debbie Gibson, looking bizarrely like Birther-Queen/lawyer/dentist Orly Taitz.
And it has the most off-the-wall shark attack — poorly executed, badly acted, implausible in the extreme — ever put on screen. It was so amazing that the Daughter gaped in wonder at the screen and said, like a child discovering Santa’s gifts under the tree on Christmas morning, “Can we see that again? Please?”
Here you go, honey.
UPDATE: A big thank you to WordPress.com for promoting this post to the WordPress.com homepage.
UPDATE 2: In the comments, Patti writes The Mega Shark Song.